Everything You Need to Know Before Starting Couples Therapy
Relationships are some of the most rewarding parts of life—as well as some of the most challenging. Unresolved conflicts, unhelpful interaction patterns, unexpected stressors, and other factors can all put significant strain on partnerships. Couples therapy—also known by terms such as “relationship therapy” or “marriage counseling”—can help couples navigate these challenges and emerge with a stronger bond. In this post, we’ll explore what couples therapy is, how to find a couples therapist, and when to consider this option. We’ll also debunk some common misconceptions about couples therapy.
What is couples therapy?
Couples therapy allows a psychologist or licensed therapist to engage with both members of a couple simultaneously. A couple may choose therapy when one or both partners are distressed, or when their points of view significantly diverge.
Couples therapists focus on understanding the overall relationship dynamic in addition to asking questions about each partner. They will not take sides, but instead will illuminate how each person’s actions and communication style contribute to the relationship's challenges.
Often in relationship counseling, couples will meet with a psychologist once per week. The duration of therapy may vary greatly, from a few targeted sessions to continuous therapy over the course of years. Couples can often expect to complete homework between sessions to reinforce the therapeutic process.
Couples Therapy methods
There are a few main research-backed approaches to relationship counseling:
Integrative behavioral couple therapy (IBCT): In IBCT, psychologists focus on acceptance and mindfulness within a relationship. Techniques of IBCT will help address patterns in communication and behavior that hinder relationships while also fostering understanding within the partnership.
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): In EFT, psychologists will focus on emotions and attachment within a couple. By identifying interaction patterns, psychologists can help couples improve their emotional engagement and communication.
Solution-focused therapy: Couples therapy can also help people in a relationship address specific, short-term problems they may face. This approach often helps partners identify existing strengths and resources to quickly develop concrete solutions.
How to find a couples therapist
Finding the right therapist near you isn’t always straightforward. To start, you can use online search tools; ZenCare is a great option for finding a psychologist in Rhode Island. When you search, go beyond general search terms like “therapist in Rhode Island” to look for specializations with couples dynamics, marriage therapy, or specific approaches to couples therapy like IBCT or EFT.
Most therapists offer a brief initial consultation. Use this time to ask about their experience, their specific methods, and their rates. Going through the initial consultation is the best way to determine if the therapist seems like a good fit for both you and your partner.
Moreover, take some time to reflect on what you and your partner hope to get from relationship counseling. This reflection will help you ensure you have clear goals going into therapy.
When to consider couples therapy
Couples may seek therapy for a variety of reasons. Reasons for seeking couples therapy can include emotional distance within a relationship, or when members of a couple have trouble feeling the loving bond that brought them together. Another factor may be trouble with communication. Signs that a couple struggles with communication may include the feeling that their partner doesn’t understand them.
People also might seek couples counseling because they have frequent conflicts in their relationship, or might seek a psychologist to help resolve a specific conflict. Relationship conflicts may revolve around children, career changes, or sexuality.
In addition, couples may seek therapy simply to improve an already healthy relationship.
Addressing misconceptions about couples therapy
There are a variety of reasons people avoid couples therapy, many of which are rooted in misconceptions:
Clients may believe couples therapy is only for married couples. This is not true—any kind of couple can get couples therapy and benefit regardless of the stage of their relationship.
Clients may believe couples therapy is only for couples with serious issues. This is not true. Couples therapy is not a last resort, but can strengthen a relationship before problems develop or worsen. For instance, pre-marital counseling is a proactive form of couples therapy that can help couples be on the same page before they get married.
Clients may avoid relationship counseling because they feel embarrassed to ask for help or fear others will judge them for seeking help. People who are concerned about judgment should know that couples therapists take a non-judgmental perspective and do not assign blame.
Clients may be unsure couples therapy will work. However, couples therapy is highly effective; research has generally found that 70% of couples facing relationship problems improve from couples therapy. Relationship counseling not only improves relationship satisfaction in the long term, but also improves communication and individual functioning within relationships.
Clients may fear the emotion or personal disclosure required in couples therapy. However, therapists are trained to help navigate this kind of discomfort and will not pressure clients into sharing information they are not ready to divulge. Many people who do seek couples therapy ultimately find the therapy worthwhile.
Conclusion
Couples therapy is a powerful tool for navigating the challenges that arise in any partnership. Specialized methods like EFT and IBCT offer research-backed paths toward healing and growth. By understanding what to look for in a therapist and dismissing the common misconceptions, couples can proactively invest in their future together.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Is couples therapy only for married couples or couples considering divorce?
No. Couples therapy is beneficial for any committed partnership at any stage of the relationship. It is not just a last resort for couples facing separation; it can be a proactive tool to strengthen communication, deepen emotional connection, and prevent minor issues from escalating. For example, pre-marital counseling is a focused type of couples therapy designed to build a strong foundation before a crisis occurs.
2. How long does couples therapy typically last?
The duration of couples therapy is highly variable and depends on the issues being addressed. Some couples addressing specific, short-term problems may need only a few sessions. Other couples engage in therapy for several months or even a year or more.
3. Who should see a couples therapist?
Any committed couple facing challenges such as frequent conflicts, emotional distance, or major life stressors should consider couples therapy. Relationship counseling is also an excellent proactive resource for partners who simply want to strengthen their bond.